i rarely show my poetry and prose to anyone…if you are one of those i’ve shown it to that are reading this…you know this to be true. i think i can count you on one hand. so, this is a big step for me. not sure why i have the desire to leap from keeping it so very private to just flinging it out there for the world to see. (although…not…like…this…blog…is…really….umm….read by millions or anything….)
i happen to be in an odd frame of mind these days…and so…i shall put these 3 offerings out there. they were written on the same day, within about half an hour…i think in september of 2006. they’ve never been titled…so i’ll just keep them as First, Second, and Third. (i think Third is my favorite of the three…)
First
In the grander scheme of things
You should know you’re right
Because in the grander scheme of things
Today really matters least of all
I’ll take my suitcase and finally unpack
It’s been waiting patiently for me to
settle down,
and it’s not nearly full
But it’s the heart rending chore of unpacking yourself
To finally discover what you’ve got hidden away
In the grander scheme of things
You should know I’m right
Because in the grader scheme of things
today really matters least of all
Taking myself out a piece at a time
No closet to share
So I can now see it clearly
Out I will go and leave my suitcase behind
I’ll pick up new things
Beautiful things
Curiosities and creations
And come back to throw out the old
The ugly
The unnecessary
The grim
The sloppy
I’ll come home to myself
To repack for the one that’s got the space for it
In the grander scheme of things
we know we’re both right
Because in the grander scheme of things
today really matters least of all
It’s the moment that starts you
But the journey is what brings you home
Second
Wanting you so bad
I couldn’t see what I needed
Trying to rebuild a house that’s still ablaze
Trying to put it out with a teaspoon
one splash at a time
There was still the bigger fury
had I just let it go
could’ve already been building anew
but walking through the flames…
it was a path through something beautiful
the problem with not being afraid of the fire
is that the burns are inevitably gonna reach too far down
Not the skin grafting type
I’ve gotta heal on my own
just put the bandaids away
I appreciate the concern
I don’t need medication
I need fresh air and a better soul
from the inside out is where I’ll heal
a healthy scar will remain to add to the roadmap of my skin
Never start out with half a dwelling
and an addition isn’t gonna work for me
just get rid of the ashes
and dig down deep
I can’t change the place
because the foundation is too sound
gotta stop building apartments
no duplex for me
just a big room for my mind
to run free
to rest
to start every moment from the fresh
from the clean
Please come and visit
Whenever you feel inclined
Because the want is there,
but the need is stronger
I’ll be living here for a while
and later it will be my summer home
to run free
to rest
to start every moment from the fresh
from the clean
from the true
from the honest
from me.
Third
A chameleon’s greatest talent…
useless…
when there’s nothing to hide in
nothing to become
what if my color is transparent?
and I really have nothing unless it’s in front of someone else’s backdrop?
A new animal?
am I more than one?
my true color has made appearances,
but sometimes I don’t know exactly when
from the outside
they say they’ve seen my genuine hue
but it was with you…
So I leap from the tree
with no clue where to land
Give this lizard mind it’s wings
to hover in the atmosphere
put me in space
my color will become the sun
and I’ll have no shade at all
just a glow
just pure warmth
to keep the rest of me alive
and to share when I’ve had what I need
You need warmth for the winter
and I’ll have plenty to spare
just give me a lean in
I don’t ask for much in return
and you’ll feel me with you.
Some of us don’t have our own
and are meant for other things
I’m in the species of ambiguity
and why should it be bad?
I’ll have a purpose
useful in so many ways
unending energy is what God gave that star
renewing itself with every moment it gives
And that’s what I’ll pray to be given to me
Instead of the chameleon
I’m becoming something else
I’m happily undefined
similar to something you’ve seen
close to something you’ve felt
perhaps still something you want
it’ll always be something you need
be at peace with my strength
and when I start to fade…
just remind me…
just
remind
me.
